May 30, 2009 Here comes summer!

I tried really hard these past two weeks since my last official weigh-in to eat right and to get in more exercise:

1) Attending my karate class Tuesday, Thursday and Friday nights
2) Attending my karate demonstration team practice sessions (we're competing in Las Vegas this summer)
3) Attending WholyFit (yoga alternative) twice a week
4) Walking three times a week - yes, this is all too much; the walking is in the mornings and the demo practice has taken the place of one of the WholyFit time slots.
5) Laying off the fried foods
6) Portion control, portion control, portion control!!!

The results were...
- 4lbs since last weigh in
.4 lbs away from a 1o lb loss
.4 lbs away from my 5% goal

I'm excited about the 4 lb. loss. That is awesome. I am also realistic enough to notice the fact that .4 lb could easily have been lost had I tracked what went into my mouth the past two weeks. If you bite it...write it.

I keep telling myself that I'm just too busy to focus on so many things at once. If I focus on exercise and on tracking and on reading and on my job and on my family's business and on web design for the family business and on cleaning the house and on being a mom and on feeding the dog and on blah, blah, blah then I will fail at everything.

What I've got to do is make mindless habits out of stuff. Make routines. Focus on certain things that can become routines that I never have to think about, I just do them. Then the really important stuff, I can put my whole mind and heart into.

If I think of food as fuel, then I can just prepare my meals for the entire day, not stray from what I packed up for the day, and write it all down at night. I save myself some time thinking, measuring and tracking because I did it all in the morning and didn't have to choose and measure and plan during the day.

Think positively...

My favorite cartoon character is Eyeore. (I'm not sure if I spelled that right.) Eyeore is sullen, glum, and low-energy, but he's always nice to everyone and they love him just the way he is.

I'm trying to find a new cartoon character to represent the personality that I'm trying to pull out of the recesses of my psyche. I used to be more of a "sunny" personality when I was a child. If I want positive changes in my life, then I need to make them happen myself. Part of those changes need to come from the energy I project out from myself. Having a 2-year-old and a 10-year-old, a cartoon character will not be hard to find.

Disclaimer: I'm a Christian, personally. I don't like offending people, but since this is my personal blog, I'll exercise my freedom of speech and just keep right on going. I hate political correctness.

When I was looking for a therapist, I used the search engine for my HMO. It pulled up a list of names within a certain mile radius of my zip code. It didn't list them by the name of their practice. So, I was a little taken aback when I discovered I had selected a Christian counselor. I am wary of them because many of them put the Christian part before the counseling and end up preaching rather than using sound psychological practices.

Case in point. I was talking with my counselor about my dissatisfaction with my weight loss (lack thereof), and she mentioned my over-focus on it. She said that I was entirely too concerned with how overweight I was. She said I was overweight, but not obese. I should probably mention that my doctors say that I am obese. It has become a medical concern of theirs that I lose weight.

I told her about a particularly painful childhood incident. She discussed how I focused on it. She said that most children would have forgotten about it, but that I focused on it and remembered it vividly until this day, replaying it over and over in my mind. She then asked me if I were familiar with a certain area minister. <> Uh, sure. I know who he is. <>

She went on to talk about how great the minister is at reframing things into positive messages, positive thoughts. I will agree with that. I didn't want to waste my co-pay or my HMOs money, and I really wanted to keep things on track, so I re-directed the conversation away from the minister's book to Michael J. Fox's new book entitled, Always Looking Up which I decided I should look into. I agreed that I should practice the reframing technique, especially since it is a technique taught in Weight Watchers, and it seems to be one that I could benefit from.

I went out a bought the book. I was a lot more comfortable when I left the room. I feel as if I narrowly escaped a conversation involving religion, the minister (my husband and I call him Mr. Teeth), and the overly simplistic concept of thinking happy thoughts.

I wonder how other clients handle similar situations. I wonder if they have anxiety episodes. Religion can bring up serious guilt problems. I remember on my very first visit when I mentioned that I had done the StepUp Walk to Fight Diabetes and that I had just registered for the Komen Houston Race for a Cure and this year's StepUp, she had made a comment about the rewards I would receive for doing it. I was baffled and couldn't understand what she was talking about. I guessed that I would have been rewarded physically by getting in better shape. <> I was kind of disgusted. It is just my opinion, but that is kind of like my school kids who do good in class just to earn stickers. Isn't that kind of an immature reason for doing something good? I'd like to think I'm doing something good just because it is a good thing to do.

The bottom line is that I have Michael J. Fox's book. I'm starting it this evening right after I finish Secrets of a Former Fat Girl. I'll post a reading response to Secrets, and I'll be posting responses to Looking Up too.

Well, I thought I was doing great...

Last week's weigh-in really did shock me. I did so well the week before, sticking to my meal plan. I wasn't feeling particularly well, so I worked out only three times instead of six. (I did the karate and WholyFit and skipped the early morning walking.)

I had a very busy Saturday, so I took my preschooler with me to the weigh-in and didn't stay for the meeting. I went up 2 lbs. I kept repeating, "I don't know how this is possible. I can't see how this is possible." I guess I didn't take it very well.

I went to my therapist appointment. She's supposed to be helping me establish routines for a healthier lifestyle. She wasn't terribly helpful. It was my second session with her. She thinks I'm obsessed with weight loss and fitness.

Okay. "Hello, doc. That's why I am here. I have ignored things for ten years and now I'm built like an amoeba and I'm physically adapted for fluorescent lighting and a sedentary lifestyle where my most challenging physical activity is the clicking of a mouse!" I am not obsessed with my looks nor am I obsessed with being a waif-thin supermodel. I have set some realistic goals and have some realistic expectations. I need strategies for meeting those goals, and being a busy, working mom employed full-time outside the home, I set aside 50 minutes a week twice a month to talk to someone (who gets paid quite a bit more than I do) about those goals.

I think I might be a little bitchy today. Sorry. Turns out it was a little extra water weight from that monthly visitor we women know well. I lost those 2 lbs plus an additional .5 lb this morning!

I will find a new therapist on Tuesday!

Short Term Goals...

I'm probably never going to be skinny, but I'd like to definitely reach my goal weight. I'm not obsessed with it, but I think I've ignored it for too long. I'd much rather be thinking about tangible end-results such as preparing for upcoming competitions, demonstrations and such.

I had the obligatory 5 lb goal, which I recently met. I also have the WW 5% and 10% goals. Then there's the ultimate goal weight. I was thinking that I should set intermediate goals, much like color ranks in karate. I think that would motivate me and keep the momentum going.

On a purely vain level, I would very much like to weigh less than my husband. ;-)

So, my first few goals would be:
1) 10 lbs. loss
2) green belt with red stripe
3) 50 min. intermediate level in WholyFit
4) 8 Week Active Walking Program
5) Las Vegas Demo Team Performance

On the horizon:
July and August Couch to 5k Program Training
October Komen Houston Race for the Cure (non-competitive 5k run)
November StepOut Walk to Fight Diabetes (non-competitive 5k run)

How'd I let things get like this?

Eating and metabolism: I have always had issues with eating. But, until my mid-twenties, my metabolism and lifestyle pretty much kept up with me. Then came the kids. When you have kids, everything changes. There are nearly ten years between my two children. I probably gained about 50 lbs. between the two births.

Occupation and lifestyle: I went from teaching to an even cooler job which required me to use computers much more frequently. I began studying in the evenings for various technical certifications. I started working on and eventually earned my MS in Computer Information Systems.

I got pregnant, got gestational diabetes, swelled up to over 247 lbs. and started insulin. I dropped 40 lbs. before having the baby. After the baby, the diabetes went away, but the doctors all told me I have a 70% chance of developing Type II diabetes.

A few months after having my second daughter, I landed my dream job - desktop computing and network administration. Besides the occasional lugging around of monitors, switches, and other parts it was pretty much sedentary. My body adapted to fluorescent lighting, slight arm and leg movements, but boy did I have a great right index finger. (Mouse clicking.)

My husband was laid off from work. We relocated the family up to The Woodlands, TX where we opened a martial arts studio with family friends. I continued a three hour a day (105 mile a day) commute. I loved that job so much, but I was unable to exercise, had terrible eating habits, was falling asleep at the wheel, and never got to see my family.

I decided to make a change because I needed to live. I needed to live life to its fullest for me and for my family. I needed to be there for them every day. I took a $ 10,000 per year pay cut and went back to doing a job that I am great at, but that I don't like very much. I have a lot of time with my family. I get to go to the karate school.

I figured that (1) if I want to be around with my kids, I should ensure that by getting in shape, and (2) it is a lot easier for my husband to sell memberships and prove that karate can help you stay in shape if his wife doesn't look like a beached whale!

In the beginning...

There were many beginnings. I'm not sure why this time it's the last beginning, but it is. I'm through giving up and starting over. A few weeks ago, Weight Watchers introduced a WalkIt challenge. I had already completed my first-ever walk-for-a-cause back in November of '08, when I was active in Weight Watchers, and I felt great. I did the Step Out Walk to fight diabetes. I walked every morning that didn't rain and followed my WW plan religiously. I did well with the weight loss. I felt like I was letting people down if I didn't go out and walk. That's what I liked about doing a walk for a cause. After the walk, my motivation petered out, and I even stopped going to WW. I gained everything back.

Well, I'm back: A few weeks ago, I re-joined WW. I've lost 8 lbs. I am attending karate class regularly. (At least three times a week, which is good since I'm one of the owners of the school.) With the new WalkIt challenge at WW, I got a membership to Active.com. I set myself up with an 8 wk. walking plan and followed it up with a 9 week c25k plan. I'm walking at least 3-4 mornings a week and taking my dog with me. She's a lab, and can't be happier about getting outside.

The c25k plan is great: I can't stop finding posts from people raving about it. There are some very motivational success stories and helpful tips posted on Active.com about it. It's the Couch to 5k program on Coolrunning.com's website. These two plans I'm following should whip me into shape. I've given myself a little leeway for possible injuries or setbacks.

I do best with goals in mind: I have registered for the Komen Houston Race for a Cure non-competitive 5k in October '09 and the Step Out Walk to fight diabetes in November '09, also a non-competitive 5k. Those are my short-term goals - to survive. Simple enough. I'm thinking about the long-term ones.