Week 11 Weigh In

Weight: 175.1 lbs
This weight was hard to maintain because I am an emotional eater. When things get stressful at work, I tend to throw myself into work and cut back on those things that Covey described as non-urgent but important...like exercise. So, there I go eating and not exercising, and working and working and working. Not good.

How I cope with this:
I tend to stick with eating the same basic things every day for breakfast and lunch. I know how many points they are. The Progresso soups that show how many points per serving on them help. I choose several of my favorite and just swap them out during the week for some semblance of variety. So, what happens is that at the end of the day, I always know how many points I have left over. If I overeat at the end of the day, it is very easy for me to track how many points I had left to work with.

So lately, I have done a pretty darn good job of not going over my daily allotment of points. If I did, I only went over by one or two points. That was easily made up for on that one day I actually got to the karate school for a workout.

Disclaimer:
This lack of variety doesn't work for everyone. Lots of you love to cook, have time to cook, and are good at cooking. I am not one of those people. I like to simplify things. If there are things thatI do not have to think about, it frees my brain up to think about other things...like spreadsheets, programming, how I'm going to get my washing machine fixed, how I'm going to get my teachers to implement a "new" teaching technique, etc.

Bummer:
I had a pre-test today for my next belt test in karate. I didn't do as well on it as I would have liked. I am having trouble dumping all my baggage at the door and stepping on the mat fully ready to focus on the task at hand. I really need to get my mind right.

Emotional baggage

I am crying almost every day. I shed tears for no reason. It isn't like usual depressive episodes that I used to get a long time ago. Those would last a long time and involve uncontrollable sobbing. These are short, surprising tears that come quickly and leave quickly. If I try to think about why I may be sad or have reasons to be sad, I can induce some great crying episodes, but why would I want to do that to myself?

Cognitively, I think I know why this is happening. I am finally able to process my grief. I am mourning the loss of our former lifestyle. I am mourning the loss of my career, which I gave up willingly. I could have stayed in my old job, which I loved. I had a job that paid very well. My family would have still had financial problems, but it would have been easier to manage a budget and pay off debt. We still would have been living month-to-month, but our income would have at least matched our outflow. Right now we are literally sending out more money out than we are bringing in.

But, back then I was commuting 3 hours a day and saw my family very little. I fell asleep while driving to work and sometimes while driving home from work. It was dangerous. I could take a nap before driving home, but that put me even later getting home. I wasn't working out, so I was getting fatter and fatter, and my home was very untidy because I didn't have time to clean.

There were drawbacks. But, I was so happy at work. I was being challenged daily and being rewarded emotionally by people for helping them.

The job I have now pays so much less. I get attacked nearly every day for trying to do my job. (I am a curriculum specialist at an elementary school - elementary school teachers can be so freaking mean because they have no idea what non-classroom teachers do all day. They think that we don't do anything since we don't have a classroom of our own anymore.) I have to be on guard constantly.

Here's a very mild example: I turned the corner in the hallway two days ago to find a finger in my face, "Hey, where's our math stuff!" (Not a "Hi Brandi, how's your morning?" first or anything.")

(Me, not knowing what the heck math stuff she was referring to.) "Uh, what math stuff."

"Our math tablets that come with the textbook adoptions."

"You'll have to ask T- She's in charge of the..." (Interrupted at this point before I could finish the sentence.)

"Okay." (Teachers turns her head and starts giving instructions to her children who are lined up in the hall.)

Another example is that my desk was stolen right out of my room and all my stuff was dumped into a plastic sack on the floor. Apparently since I don't have students, I don't need a desk. Mind you, there are empty classrooms in every wing of our school with empty desks that could have been taken. There was no reason my desk needed to be taken and my personal stuff dumped out on the floor.

I am so sad at work now because I now know what it is like to be appreciated for my uniqueness and my intelligence. (At my old job) I was surrounded by "my people." I worked with people as smart and as "geeky" as myself, and it was okay. I was okay. I was accepted.

When I went out to campuses, they treated me like I was special because I was usally quite a bit smarter than the average person on the campus, and I fixed their computer problems. They thanked me for it. I was appreciated. When I went back to my cubicle, I was accepted as just one of the guys. It was great. I miss it so much I'm crying while I'm typing this.

I'm in mourning.

We really don't have the money for it, but some of my computer friends from the last job posted on Facebook about Star Wars in Concert coming to the Toyota Center in October. There will be a symphony orchestra, laser lights, and huge movie screen showing scenes from the movie. There will be original props from the movies. My husband is taking me. Some of the guys from work are taking their wives. I am so happy about going.

Weeks 8 and 9

Week 9: 178.6 lbs
Week 8: 179.6 lbs

Exercise:
I had been working out MWF, but with my injured foot, I cut back to Mondays and Wednesdays only. Also, this was the first week of school with the kids back, so I'm just freaking exhausted. I rested yesterday. I went to the doctor this morning to finally get my foot x-rayed. I didn't break the toe joint. I sprained it. I re-injure the ligaments every time I hear the cracks and feel the searing pain. Apparently, my hubby's taping job is spot-on. I need to get a different kind of mat shoes with better arch support. I need to ice the toe after each workout. I also need to take two Naproxen twice a day.

At first, the doctor told me that I could switch to a different form of exercise like swimming or a stationary bike. I told him that I was one of those patients that can't afford a gym. I told him my husband owns the karate school and it was breaking even. (Which is great since it hasn't quite reached its second year yet.) That means I can't just go out and buy a membership or expensive gym equipment. I even cancelled my WW membership because I need to cut back on expenses wherever I can.

So, we talked about the taping of the foot, arch support in the mat shoes, icing the foot, and the Naproxen. He said it will be about 8 more weeks if I don't re-injure it again.

Food log:
I don't have a lot of variety because I'm so freaking busy that it is just easier for me to grab the same basic thing each day. (Hey, do what works best for you...I think that's what the Anti-Jared always says.) For breakfast I always have Fiber One cereal with Lactose Free skim milk. I drink black coffee or coffee with a half cup of that same Lactose Free skim milk.

I am a coffee fiend. It is a carry-over from my days as a computer geek. I have cut back, but I still drink about four cups of black coffee a day.

I have been doing so awesome with food during the day. I won't even touch sweets or snacks. I bring my own lunch every day. The Progresso soups are actually two servings, 1 pt per serving so I have 2 pts. of soup, a clementine or Granny Smith apple, and a bottle of water. I have a clementine or Granny Smith apple and a bottle of water as a snack.

Every Sunday the hubby and I make two different crock pot meals. We pack up half of it and put it in the fridge for the week. We freeze the other half. We eat these meals for dinner and pull out the frozen ones for the end of the week.

Emotional stuff:
Warning! This is going to be in a separate post. If you don't like reading that stuff. Skip that post.

Week 7 Weigh In

Weight: 183.2 lbs (up .2 lbs)
I contribute this to not being smart about weight loss. I know exactly what to do and I failed to do it. (1) I have a fractured toe and cannot work out to the same intensity as before. (2) I was sick, sick, sick last week and laid around a lot. (3) I knew that I needed to adjust my caloric intake if I wasn't expending as much energy, and I didn't do it.

Exercise:
Decreased because of reasons above. Worked out only two days.

Food log:
Should have tracked what I ate. Should have decreased the points I consumed (maybe not used my Weekly Points Allotment) to make up for that lack of exercise.

Emotional stuff:
A lot of stuff going on. I am an emotional eater. Nobody reading this wants to know about it. I'm seeing a professional tomorrow to talk through some stuff.

A letter to Our Lady of Weight Loss

I follow Our Lady of Weight Loss's blog, and I get her regular enewsletters called A Kick in the Tush. Here's an awersome excerpt from one I got this week. It really touched me...

Dear OLofWL ~ HELP!! I have no idea how to start, where to go, what
to do or which end is up. I definitely know the numbers on the scale are
up, and I definitely know the fluff is taking over my body. I also know I
have a smokin' hot body - it just happens to be covered with rolls, dimples and
squishy stuff at the moment.
Here's the thing - I'm a single mom, I
work full time, I go to school at night and I can't afford to join a gym - and
let's not even talk about how veggies are more expensive than a box of mac and
cheese. I would love to incorporate daily exercise into my life (not just for
me, but to set an example for my daugher) - but the only time I have to exercise
is when my 4 year old daughter is sleeping - and it's not like I can leave the
house for a zoom around the block and leave her alone. To add to this
recipe for flubber, I injured the same knee 4 times this past year and some
exercises would be impossible for me right now. I am completely overwhelmed by
my life and would rather pop open a container of Chunky Monkey than face my
insanity. I don't know how to start to make the lasting changes I want and
need to make in my like. I'm 5'2" and weigh 225 - gross, I know. I
hate this and am self-conscious all of the time and this is not the person I
want to be - it's not the person I know I am meant to be. I have so much
inside of me that I can't/won't bring out because of my weight and how it makes
me feel. What do I do and how do I start? Thanks so much. ~
Shelley S.

Dear Shelley ~ I get it, Shelley. You are overwhelmed and have triple
portions of life on your plate. Thing is, if you want to change, to
lose weight, to move forward, you've got to start someplace. So, I am
wondering if there is one small change that you can make, just to get your
upward spiral in motion. And so I'm asking you to think hard and write out
10 really small things that you could do and pick one to start with. One
small step forward. Maybe around the Chunky Monkey? Like not keeping
it in the house? Step One: Make your home your safe haven. A
place that supports your best self. Please let me know what step you
take. ~ OLofWL

Week 6 Weigh In

Weight: 183.0 lbs.
I met my 10% WW goal. This means I lost 20 lbs since I started back at WW in April. That was one of my Big Goals. Each time you change "decades" in WW, you have to recalculate. At 179 I will need to recalculate my WW points again.

Exercise:
M/W - went through the Advanced class at karate. Monday was hard because the black belts and one red belt are all testing for various black belt ranks, so they're all moving really fast on testing techniques. I got to work at a fast pace, which pushed me to move fast on my own testing material. I am remembering my katas (forms) much easier, and I'm starting to pick up the new one and add on new moves to it.

On Wednesday, Tommy instituted something called "death by kata." The reason for this new form of torture is during the black belt test, when a person is fatigued, they begin to forget their forms and make mistakes which start to snowball. The purpose of death by kata is to build stamina and to force the brain to remember things under extreme physical and mental stress. Here's how "death by kata" works:
Do the first kata. Follow with 15 pushups.
Do the second kata. Follow with 15 pushups and 15 jumping jacks.
Do the third kata. Follow with 15 pushups, 15 jumping jacks, and 15 squats.
Do the fourth kata. Follow with 15 squat thrusts.
Do the fifth kata. Follow with 15 squat thrusts and 15 row boats.
Do the sixth kata (I don't have a sixth yet, so I work on my fifth one, learning new pieces of it and practicing those until they look just right) Follow with 15 squat thrusts, 15 row boats, and 15 somethings-I-can't-remember

At the end of class, I

On Friday we had stick fighting and grappling classes. I went through both classes. Those were fun.

Food log:
I did great in the mornings. I did great during the day. I drank a lot of protein water after workouts because my muscles were completely burned out. I had a lot of trouble at night. The workouts were so intense that it sent me into this eating frenzy after I got home. I couldn't stop. I tried to stick with stuff like meat and cheese. I knew my muscles needed to rebuild themselves. I also worried a lot about eating so late at night. I am sure that I would have lost more weight if I hadn't eaten so late at night. Maybe I should have just eaten vegetables?

Emotional junk:
My daughter is going through something. She is angry about the muffin top she has around her middle. She doesn't like it. She has poor eating habits. We offer her healthy alternatives when she goes for food late at night. We ask her if she's really hungry. She pitched a fit this morning about how horrible the clothes were that we bought her because they all made her stomach stick out. It isn't the clothes. It is her stomach. I didn't tell her that. I don't know how to help her.

Gettin' shrimped...

Last night was my first time to "try out" the grappling club. I almost punked out because I didn't have the right uniform and I am completely sore from Wednesday's karate class. But, I went through with it anyway.

My hubby shamed me into it...which is exactly what I needed. Sometimes he steps into the coach role and gives me the kick in the pants I need to get off my rear and step out of my comfort zone. You see, I don't like people in my personal bubble. I get teased about that too because my friends know that about me. In fact my personal bubble is more like a personal force field. I really don't like people in my personal bubble! Grappling is all about people in your personal bubble. I mean you are up against someone, sweating all over them, rubbing up all over them. Can I just say....EWWWW! I don't care if it is a male or a female. It is still just EWWWW!

But, ladies. If and when you're ever attacked out there, there is a very high probability you will end up on the ground. Ground tactics are what you need to learn. Grappling is the single most important skill you need to learn to defend yourself. It could save your life one day. You have to learn this. Forget all that MMA, Ultimate Fighting Championship bullshit your boyfriend or husband watches on TV. That's just a sport. You need life and death self defense. You don't need a seminar. You don't need a week-long workshop. You need practice, training, and more practice with a great teacher who is into continuous professional development himself....or herself.

So, there I was on the mat. I have to put my body through a whole new set of physical demands. Like shrimping. WTF!!!?? Well, it is a way of escaping your opponent when your pinned up on the ground. You need to develop your core (hmmm, sounds a lot like this will help my other sports and like this will apply to my WholyFit yoga alternative and to my karate training). You need to develop stamina. And you need to make the shrimping skill an automatic part of your repetoire. So, we do the drill over and over across the mat. This is a great, full-body workout.

Let's see if I can post the YouTube link correctly....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lGFBmVw8KGM

Week 5 Weigh In

Weight: 183.8 lbs.
I am exactly .6 lbs away from my 10% weight loss goal of 20 lbs. This really pisses me off. I am angry with myself because I know that the .6 lbs would have been gone this week, but I am the only one to blame. There are no excuses written below. I have included direct cause/effect relationships because I need to see in writing that the decisions I make directly impact the outcome I see on the scale. And like the Anti-Jared has pointed out, the scale don't lie.

Exercise log:
I week 4 I saw a significant weight loss because I increased my activity. I lost less this week because I decreased my activity. I could blame this on the fact that I fractured my foot. (A week ago this past Wednesday I rolled my foot over my big toe, producing a satisfying crunching sound...had it been a piece of peanut brittle.) But, I ponied up and buddy taped the big toe and donned a pair of Ring Star mat shoes for the workout class. I went through the Monday/Wednesday/Friday class and iced my foot on Tuesday/Thursday. I figured if I was going to ignore the doctor, I should at least ice my foot in between.

The decrease in activity meant I should have decreased the caloric intake. I made a mental note of this...and now we come to the food log.

Food log:
I slipped all cozy-like into my old eating patterns. Since I was at home two extra days not working out, I grazed. What the f- was I thinking! I wasn't. I went into this zombie-like fugue state and just grazed. Here's a little gem for you: If you're going to act like a cow, you're going to look like a cow.

I made some good food choices in there too. When I made nachos, I piled lots of baby spinach leaves on them. I skipped sour cream (which I can't stand) and went extremely light on the cheese (which I can't digest anyway). I mixed black beans, Rotel tomatoes and jalapeños. So, my first meal with the nachos was meatless and pretty healthy.

Then my husband says, "hey, I like the black beans too." So, here comes my mistake. I take his mix which has hamburger meat, tomatoes, and jalapeños and mix it with mine. I just made mine unhealthy. So, the following day I ate unhealthy leftover nachos...and I grazed on them for two more meals.

Emotional junk: See Weight above.
I have noticed that I eat more when I have pent-up, unresolved anger. There has been someone hanging around the Dojo lately who no one wants around. Well, one person wants her around. But, nobody else does. The problem is that we all care very much about the guy. We just don't like the person he becomes when he is around her. He is a completely different human being. We can't stand the girl. No one wants to tell him. Everyone is afraid they'll lose the guy as a friend, as a brother, as a son. They are letting this spoiled, conceited, bossy, beeyotch make him and everyone around him miserable.

I usually tell someone exactly what I'm thinking. Not this time. The guy is my instructor. (My husband is not my instructor because we do not want to give anyone within our organization a reason to say he promoted me because I'm his wife.)

So, unresolved anger. What do I do? Next week I'll be starting grappling. I'm really going to have to tape the H3*% out of my fractured foot, but I'm thinking that grappling will help release a lot of the tension. I need to do a lot of that before sparring.

I also need to work on my control when I spar in class. I have never had a "gear shift." Back when I was training in the early years, I was called "Nasty Anderson" because I was basically a unidirectional fighter...I only fought moving forward. I took all the punches and kicks thrown at me and kept going forward, delivering as many of my own as possible as hard as I could. It is how my husband knocked me out with a spinning heel kick back when we were just dating.

Not for the faint of heart...

Don't watch this if you're squeamish. I have some martial arts friends who wanted to see it. It shows that you can always find someone to volunteer for just about anything. We do NOT do that sort of thing at my dojo. I just want to say that up front.

Week 4 Weigh In

Weight: 184.8 lbs.

Exercise log:
I've increased it, and the scale shows it. In addition to my Tues/Thurs intermediate level classes, I'm now taking the Mon/Wed advanced classes in preparation for my red belt test in September. Of course, I'm back to feeling exhaustion in my legs! I started drinking the protein water mix after workouts, and it helps. So does getting enough rest.

We've added in stick fighting routines during our karate training. It is something the black belts picked up in their seminars at the ITC (International Training Convention). The stick fighting drills have been awesome for my arms. I'm loving it. (Plus, there's the practical aspect of being able to pick up something in your environment resembling a stick that you can use to readily defend yourself with.) The bad part is that the disarming techniques frequently smash the sticks into your feet. (The guys teaching the seminars were wearing shoes, which we don't do at the dojo.) I may start wearing my Ringstars on the mat when I know we're doing stick fighting drills.

Food log:
I have been watching my portion sizes. I have been quite conscious of sugar intake...or lack thereof. The only sugar I had was a slice of cake at my dad's 70th birthday party. I didn't even drink a drop of alcohol! I'm very proud of myself. I do need to start tracking again because once school starts again - I'm a teacher - it will be very, very easy to slip back into bad eating habits.

Emotional junk:
I'm going to start adding that here each week just to reflect on things on a weekly basis related to weight loss and fitness and my journey. I have a completely separate blog that serves as a journal for personal reflections. Most of my gut-spilling will be in that one.

I'll start with the fact that I'm happy I can see where my waist is supposed to be. It makes me proud to have lost over 20 lbs in the past year. However, when I start to compare myself to other women at the dojo, which I frequently do, I start to get very depressed. I am competitive by nature, and once I came out of the fog and started to take a serious interest in getting healthy again, I started getting competitive again. I have really got to focus more on my own goals and not so much on how other people look. I've come a long way in one year.

Chuck Norris Fact You Didn't Know

Chuck shaved his beard. He said it was so he and Gina (his wife) could take the kids to Disney and not be recognized. He said it worked. By the time people thought they knew who he was, the family had already moved on to other rides!

I'm glad he got to take Dakota and Danni around Disney, but this throws a little wrench in things for us around the Dojo. My husband has earned the Norris Cup for the 3rd consecutive year. I'm not sure anyone's ever done that before...maybe so. But, he is the first male to ever win both the Kata (forms) and Sparring (fighting) Norris Cups in the same year. He also won "2009 Competitor of the Year". He got his photo taken with Mr. Norris.

Problem is, Tommy's granny is getting really old. She really, really likes Walker (Texas Ranger.) She wants to see Tommy with Walker. Now I have to PhotoShop a beard on the Grand Master of our style because (I'm sorry, I hope lightning doesn't strike me dead) Mr. Norris does not look like Mr. Norris without his beard.

Week 4 Weekly Challenge

I already have been setting goals. It comes readily for martial artists here in America. We are the ones that broke the black belt down into colored ranks. They didn't have that in Asia. My problem is setting too many or not setting realistic ones. So, I have to constantly assess and reassess where I am with my short-term goals.

My short-term goals on July 1 were:
(1) pass my July 14 belt test
(2) nail my performance in front of Chuck Norris in Las Vegas...that's only a couple of weeks away (yikes!)

I successfully completed both of those...minus the Chuck Norris part. He showed up two days later. It was in front of Aaron Norris, the President of our organization.

Here are my long-term goals and my new short-term goals:
Long Term
(1) WW Lifetime Membership....maintaining a healthy weight and BMI; (not having to pay the monthly fees anymore!)
(2) Black Belt in Chun Kuk Do; (photo with Chuck and Aaron Norris at the Convention)

Short Term
1) Regular attendance in the advanced karate class; (being in the advanced class will better prepare me for passing the red belt test because they're getting ready for their black belt tests and the material is so similar...it'll be hard core!)
2) Red belt; (I look better in red and I'll be able to fight a certain someone at next year's convention if I'm a red belt...I want her head on a platter.)
3) Regular attendance in WholyFit; (WholyFit makes my whole body feel better and really helps my kicks and stances in karate class)
4) Regular Church attendance...no copping out or sleeping in on Sundays!!!; (I need to connect spiritually, and I figure you got to fake it til you make it; the only reward for this is peace of mind.)
5) Portion control and tracking points; (the reward is on the scale)

Rewards
The rewards for reaching the goals are intrinsic (because I'm pretty freaking poor right now.) But, I can write them down and reflect on them. If I celebrate them in some way, it will be to watch a movie on XBox Live or to read a book. Honestly, just getting out of the house to go to a Bible study without the kids can be a mini-reward.

Vegas Trip Update

Things are going well. Our students did so well yesterday. I think every single one of them placed in something yesterday. Raul, Lance, Carl, and Tommy all got first places in their divisions. I think Cole might have too, but I'm not sure. Carl, Lance, and Tommy all competed for grand champion in adults, kids, and seniors respectively. (Tommy got to choose whether to compete in weapons or forms because he got first place in both of those divisions.) Tommy is a third-time Norris Cup recipient!

We're really concerned about DaMarkus. He reopened his knife wound during the demo. He was in a great deal of pain. The EMT looked him over and took a detailed report. She counseled him on going to the trauma room at the hospital. But, he didn't go. He stayed at the hotel last night. He said he'd go this morning if his hand wasn't feeling any better. I'm planning on checking on him around lunch time.

Tonight is the banquet. The fun part is the dance afterward. I'm just looking forward to dressing up. At least I'll finally get a chance to eat good food.

Week 3 Weigh In

Weight: 187 lbs.

Exercise log:
I cut back a bit last week because of the test and the competition. All I did was prepare for the test and for the demo. I passed my test. (This was my first belt test in 16 years.) We did a great job on the demo yesterday evening, but didn't win first place. The first place demo is the one that gets to perform in front of Chuck Norris on Sunday. That group was incredible, just beautiful. It was actually pretty, like ballet.

I'll be coming back with some sort of knee injury. I'm icing it right now. There's pressure and popping, but not a lot of pain.

Food log:
I wasn't able to eat "clean", but I kept within my WW points every single day. I splurged yesterday after the first day of competition. (My husband won his third consecutive World Championship Norris Cup in Kata, so we went out for drinks.) So, I pretty much blew my weekly point allotments. I saved them for this weekend.

Test Tomorrow

I am testing tomorrow for a new belt rank. This'll be my first test in 16 years. I will be testing under a different instructor than my usual one. (My husband is the head instructor at the school.) We agreed for several reasons that it would be best to have Carl, his second-in-command, be my instructor of record. Mostly because I'm hard-headed and have a very difficult time learning from Tommy.

Tommy is an excellent teacher. I have a mental block and for some reason can't seem to get along with him very well when he is in the role of a teacher. So, if I work very hard over the next two years, I should be Carl's first student to earn the rank of black belt.

For now, I'd just really like to pass the test tomorrow!!! My endurance has improved, but even still, they save the actually sparring for the end of the test. That's when you're the most tired. This is what gives me some shin splints. I'll need to ice my shins when I reach the hotel in Vegas. I don't want to be in a lot of pain for our competition on Friday.

Meltdown

I have to come clean about something. I have a mild form of dissociative disorder. It's a survival mechanism from childhood. I'm pretty good at it. As I gained weight, I didn't really notice it. Not that it has anything to do with the disorder, but when I was pregnant with my second child and 247 lbs, diabetic, and on insulin, it mattered. I was clinically aware that I had a weight problem. I knew I needed to protect the baby and myself. I did what was medically necessary and lost weight, following doctor's orders and taking multiple insulin shots daily. Constantly checking my blood sugar actually helped me stay in touch with the reality of what food did to my body.

But, I never really looked in the mirror or had any photos taken of me. There were a few, but somehow, I just didn't see them. I chose not to see them.

In April, when I started back at WW and made that commitement to really do it this time, really get healthy, I still didn't really take a look at myself. I just wouldn't. I was 203 lbs. By the time I started Amy's 15 week challenge, I was 189 lbs. I was feeling better, and my clothes were baggy.

I still didn't look in the mirror or look at photos. Then came the parade last weekend.

Photos were taken.

The outfits we wore were not flattering to my body type.

I am in charge of the website.

I saw the photos.

For the first time in probably 10 years, I really saw what I had done to myself. Not all the hard work I'd put in the last few months. Not what I'd accomplished the past few weeks. I saw what I'd done to myself over the past decade. A decade of neglect. A decade of abusing food and putting everything else in my life first except for my own basic, physical and spiritual needs.

I had a meltdown.

I lost it.

I really cursed a lot.

Then my husband got extremely mad at me. He says that I often choose to see the negatives. I need to reframe things and force my brain to see the positives. He says that he's been getting a lot of comments from people around the dojo (karate school) about how much improvement they've seen in my skills, and people have been noticing that I've been losing weight. He says that even I commented that Chris, a 12 year old on our demo team, had noticed I had lost weight. And how often does a 12 year old boy just out of the blue complement a 38 year old lady on losing weight?

Sometimes my husband is way smarter than me and gives me the kick in the pants I need.

Week 2 Weigh In

Weight: 188.9 lbs

Exercise log: Still doing well. I cut back a tad and only worked out Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. I didn't work out Thursday because I went to the Chiro. I had three trouble spots along the right side. This was my first adjustment in over a year, and I went to a new chiropractor. Ouch! I was really sore. My body was so used to being out of whack that it really doesn't like where things have been moved to.

Thursday and yesterday were spent alternating between Ibuprophen (sp?) and ice. I feel old.

Food log: I didn't track. Shame, shame. I always do better when I track. I had one bout of carb binging on Wednesday. (I have a watch with 5 alarms on it to remind me when to eat, I need to start wearing it again; I binge when I forget my regular meals and let myself get too hungry.)

B-Day Report

It was my birthday yesterday. I spent the past couple of weeks being pretty grouchy, so I felt pretty lousy when I turned down an evening out with my husband and no kids. I changed my mind and told him I'd go out. We went to the next town over that has a theater/bar/restaurant type complex. I got myself an iced latte, small popcorn and bottled water. He had some sort of triple chocolate mousse-like substance, a hot dog, and Coke. They didn't give him a fork or a spoon. Nice country boy he is, he brought his own knife. He chowed down using his well-sharpened, well-polished pocket knife.

We saw The Proposal. Cute movie. He was a little embarrassed to be seen walking into the movie, but he really enjoyed it...he admits it. He said, "Ryan Reynolds is funny, and Sandra Bullock is extremely talented." I find that truly hysterical for some reason. He was practically drooling all over himself when he saw her in the scene when she has to find a towell. He loves brunettes.

At least I didn't do what I did on our last date night. I actually spat lemonade out on four people in front of us. I am completely horrified. We saw The Hangover. Something struck me funny. I had a mouth full of lemonade, and I totally couldn't help it. I feel so completely terrible about it.

Anyhow, I'm on my way to WW. I'll be back with my official weigh-in.

Amy's Weekly Workout Challenge - Week 2

Sorry, I'm begging off this week. We love the workout, and my husband is using it with his women's kickboxing class as part of the circuit training. I'll definitely use it when I get back from our competition in Vegas.

I just can't afford to do anything that might jeopardize the competition this close to the trip. (I will be too sore to do the practices if I do this.) I have practices tonight, tomorrow, Monday and Tuesday. We leave on Wednesday. I believe that we perform/compete in front of Chuck Norris on Friday afternoon. I'll be back on the 20th.

I'll go to WW tomorrow and post my weekly weigh-in.

Week 1 Weigh In

Weight: 189.4 lbs.
(I'm retaining a little extra water this week. I'm not beating myself up about it. I expect this to happen about once every 4-5 weeks.)

Exercise log:
I did great on the exercise...every single day I've been in town. (Tuesday through today.) I have shin splints, though. Really painful. I finished the parade, and I'm having a hard time walking. The shins actually started hurting last night after a two-hour power session practicing for our karate demo. So I guess the parade aggravated things. (Plus it was 100 degrees by the time our group pulled back into the starting/finishing point...yuck.)

Food log:
I didn't track this week. I was on vacation and then was super busy the minute we got back in town. My goal this week it to track, track, track. I did really great while visiting my parents. I ate tiny meals five times a day, mostly vegetables. Almost no carbs. Lean meats. I was so proud of myself. I'm usually so stressed out when I'm with my family that I eat like a pregnant mountain gorilla...which is why I used to look like one!