Weight: 175.1 lbs
This weight was hard to maintain because I am an emotional eater. When things get stressful at work, I tend to throw myself into work and cut back on those things that Covey described as non-urgent but important...like exercise. So, there I go eating and not exercising, and working and working and working. Not good.
How I cope with this:
I tend to stick with eating the same basic things every day for breakfast and lunch. I know how many points they are. The Progresso soups that show how many points per serving on them help. I choose several of my favorite and just swap them out during the week for some semblance of variety. So, what happens is that at the end of the day, I always know how many points I have left over. If I overeat at the end of the day, it is very easy for me to track how many points I had left to work with.
So lately, I have done a pretty darn good job of not going over my daily allotment of points. If I did, I only went over by one or two points. That was easily made up for on that one day I actually got to the karate school for a workout.
Disclaimer:
This lack of variety doesn't work for everyone. Lots of you love to cook, have time to cook, and are good at cooking. I am not one of those people. I like to simplify things. If there are things thatI do not have to think about, it frees my brain up to think about other things...like spreadsheets, programming, how I'm going to get my washing machine fixed, how I'm going to get my teachers to implement a "new" teaching technique, etc.
Bummer:
I had a pre-test today for my next belt test in karate. I didn't do as well on it as I would have liked. I am having trouble dumping all my baggage at the door and stepping on the mat fully ready to focus on the task at hand. I really need to get my mind right.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Emotional baggage
I am crying almost every day. I shed tears for no reason. It isn't like usual depressive episodes that I used to get a long time ago. Those would last a long time and involve uncontrollable sobbing. These are short, surprising tears that come quickly and leave quickly. If I try to think about why I may be sad or have reasons to be sad, I can induce some great crying episodes, but why would I want to do that to myself?
Cognitively, I think I know why this is happening. I am finally able to process my grief. I am mourning the loss of our former lifestyle. I am mourning the loss of my career, which I gave up willingly. I could have stayed in my old job, which I loved. I had a job that paid very well. My family would have still had financial problems, but it would have been easier to manage a budget and pay off debt. We still would have been living month-to-month, but our income would have at least matched our outflow. Right now we are literally sending out more money out than we are bringing in.
But, back then I was commuting 3 hours a day and saw my family very little. I fell asleep while driving to work and sometimes while driving home from work. It was dangerous. I could take a nap before driving home, but that put me even later getting home. I wasn't working out, so I was getting fatter and fatter, and my home was very untidy because I didn't have time to clean.
There were drawbacks. But, I was so happy at work. I was being challenged daily and being rewarded emotionally by people for helping them.
The job I have now pays so much less. I get attacked nearly every day for trying to do my job. (I am a curriculum specialist at an elementary school - elementary school teachers can be so freaking mean because they have no idea what non-classroom teachers do all day. They think that we don't do anything since we don't have a classroom of our own anymore.) I have to be on guard constantly.
Here's a very mild example: I turned the corner in the hallway two days ago to find a finger in my face, "Hey, where's our math stuff!" (Not a "Hi Brandi, how's your morning?" first or anything.")
(Me, not knowing what the heck math stuff she was referring to.) "Uh, what math stuff."
"Our math tablets that come with the textbook adoptions."
"You'll have to ask T- She's in charge of the..." (Interrupted at this point before I could finish the sentence.)
"Okay." (Teachers turns her head and starts giving instructions to her children who are lined up in the hall.)
Another example is that my desk was stolen right out of my room and all my stuff was dumped into a plastic sack on the floor. Apparently since I don't have students, I don't need a desk. Mind you, there are empty classrooms in every wing of our school with empty desks that could have been taken. There was no reason my desk needed to be taken and my personal stuff dumped out on the floor.
I am so sad at work now because I now know what it is like to be appreciated for my uniqueness and my intelligence. (At my old job) I was surrounded by "my people." I worked with people as smart and as "geeky" as myself, and it was okay. I was okay. I was accepted.
When I went out to campuses, they treated me like I was special because I was usally quite a bit smarter than the average person on the campus, and I fixed their computer problems. They thanked me for it. I was appreciated. When I went back to my cubicle, I was accepted as just one of the guys. It was great. I miss it so much I'm crying while I'm typing this.
I'm in mourning.
We really don't have the money for it, but some of my computer friends from the last job posted on Facebook about Star Wars in Concert coming to the Toyota Center in October. There will be a symphony orchestra, laser lights, and huge movie screen showing scenes from the movie. There will be original props from the movies. My husband is taking me. Some of the guys from work are taking their wives. I am so happy about going.
Cognitively, I think I know why this is happening. I am finally able to process my grief. I am mourning the loss of our former lifestyle. I am mourning the loss of my career, which I gave up willingly. I could have stayed in my old job, which I loved. I had a job that paid very well. My family would have still had financial problems, but it would have been easier to manage a budget and pay off debt. We still would have been living month-to-month, but our income would have at least matched our outflow. Right now we are literally sending out more money out than we are bringing in.
But, back then I was commuting 3 hours a day and saw my family very little. I fell asleep while driving to work and sometimes while driving home from work. It was dangerous. I could take a nap before driving home, but that put me even later getting home. I wasn't working out, so I was getting fatter and fatter, and my home was very untidy because I didn't have time to clean.
There were drawbacks. But, I was so happy at work. I was being challenged daily and being rewarded emotionally by people for helping them.
The job I have now pays so much less. I get attacked nearly every day for trying to do my job. (I am a curriculum specialist at an elementary school - elementary school teachers can be so freaking mean because they have no idea what non-classroom teachers do all day. They think that we don't do anything since we don't have a classroom of our own anymore.) I have to be on guard constantly.
Here's a very mild example: I turned the corner in the hallway two days ago to find a finger in my face, "Hey, where's our math stuff!" (Not a "Hi Brandi, how's your morning?" first or anything.")
(Me, not knowing what the heck math stuff she was referring to.) "Uh, what math stuff."
"Our math tablets that come with the textbook adoptions."
"You'll have to ask T- She's in charge of the..." (Interrupted at this point before I could finish the sentence.)
"Okay." (Teachers turns her head and starts giving instructions to her children who are lined up in the hall.)
Another example is that my desk was stolen right out of my room and all my stuff was dumped into a plastic sack on the floor. Apparently since I don't have students, I don't need a desk. Mind you, there are empty classrooms in every wing of our school with empty desks that could have been taken. There was no reason my desk needed to be taken and my personal stuff dumped out on the floor.
I am so sad at work now because I now know what it is like to be appreciated for my uniqueness and my intelligence. (At my old job) I was surrounded by "my people." I worked with people as smart and as "geeky" as myself, and it was okay. I was okay. I was accepted.
When I went out to campuses, they treated me like I was special because I was usally quite a bit smarter than the average person on the campus, and I fixed their computer problems. They thanked me for it. I was appreciated. When I went back to my cubicle, I was accepted as just one of the guys. It was great. I miss it so much I'm crying while I'm typing this.
I'm in mourning.
We really don't have the money for it, but some of my computer friends from the last job posted on Facebook about Star Wars in Concert coming to the Toyota Center in October. There will be a symphony orchestra, laser lights, and huge movie screen showing scenes from the movie. There will be original props from the movies. My husband is taking me. Some of the guys from work are taking their wives. I am so happy about going.
Weeks 8 and 9
Week 9: 178.6 lbs
Week 8: 179.6 lbs
Exercise:
I had been working out MWF, but with my injured foot, I cut back to Mondays and Wednesdays only. Also, this was the first week of school with the kids back, so I'm just freaking exhausted. I rested yesterday. I went to the doctor this morning to finally get my foot x-rayed. I didn't break the toe joint. I sprained it. I re-injure the ligaments every time I hear the cracks and feel the searing pain. Apparently, my hubby's taping job is spot-on. I need to get a different kind of mat shoes with better arch support. I need to ice the toe after each workout. I also need to take two Naproxen twice a day.
At first, the doctor told me that I could switch to a different form of exercise like swimming or a stationary bike. I told him that I was one of those patients that can't afford a gym. I told him my husband owns the karate school and it was breaking even. (Which is great since it hasn't quite reached its second year yet.) That means I can't just go out and buy a membership or expensive gym equipment. I even cancelled my WW membership because I need to cut back on expenses wherever I can.
So, we talked about the taping of the foot, arch support in the mat shoes, icing the foot, and the Naproxen. He said it will be about 8 more weeks if I don't re-injure it again.
Food log:
I don't have a lot of variety because I'm so freaking busy that it is just easier for me to grab the same basic thing each day. (Hey, do what works best for you...I think that's what the Anti-Jared always says.) For breakfast I always have Fiber One cereal with Lactose Free skim milk. I drink black coffee or coffee with a half cup of that same Lactose Free skim milk.
I am a coffee fiend. It is a carry-over from my days as a computer geek. I have cut back, but I still drink about four cups of black coffee a day.
I have been doing so awesome with food during the day. I won't even touch sweets or snacks. I bring my own lunch every day. The Progresso soups are actually two servings, 1 pt per serving so I have 2 pts. of soup, a clementine or Granny Smith apple, and a bottle of water. I have a clementine or Granny Smith apple and a bottle of water as a snack.
Every Sunday the hubby and I make two different crock pot meals. We pack up half of it and put it in the fridge for the week. We freeze the other half. We eat these meals for dinner and pull out the frozen ones for the end of the week.
Emotional stuff:
Warning! This is going to be in a separate post. If you don't like reading that stuff. Skip that post.
Week 8: 179.6 lbs
Exercise:
I had been working out MWF, but with my injured foot, I cut back to Mondays and Wednesdays only. Also, this was the first week of school with the kids back, so I'm just freaking exhausted. I rested yesterday. I went to the doctor this morning to finally get my foot x-rayed. I didn't break the toe joint. I sprained it. I re-injure the ligaments every time I hear the cracks and feel the searing pain. Apparently, my hubby's taping job is spot-on. I need to get a different kind of mat shoes with better arch support. I need to ice the toe after each workout. I also need to take two Naproxen twice a day.
At first, the doctor told me that I could switch to a different form of exercise like swimming or a stationary bike. I told him that I was one of those patients that can't afford a gym. I told him my husband owns the karate school and it was breaking even. (Which is great since it hasn't quite reached its second year yet.) That means I can't just go out and buy a membership or expensive gym equipment. I even cancelled my WW membership because I need to cut back on expenses wherever I can.
So, we talked about the taping of the foot, arch support in the mat shoes, icing the foot, and the Naproxen. He said it will be about 8 more weeks if I don't re-injure it again.
Food log:
I don't have a lot of variety because I'm so freaking busy that it is just easier for me to grab the same basic thing each day. (Hey, do what works best for you...I think that's what the Anti-Jared always says.) For breakfast I always have Fiber One cereal with Lactose Free skim milk. I drink black coffee or coffee with a half cup of that same Lactose Free skim milk.
I am a coffee fiend. It is a carry-over from my days as a computer geek. I have cut back, but I still drink about four cups of black coffee a day.
I have been doing so awesome with food during the day. I won't even touch sweets or snacks. I bring my own lunch every day. The Progresso soups are actually two servings, 1 pt per serving so I have 2 pts. of soup, a clementine or Granny Smith apple, and a bottle of water. I have a clementine or Granny Smith apple and a bottle of water as a snack.
Every Sunday the hubby and I make two different crock pot meals. We pack up half of it and put it in the fridge for the week. We freeze the other half. We eat these meals for dinner and pull out the frozen ones for the end of the week.
Emotional stuff:
Warning! This is going to be in a separate post. If you don't like reading that stuff. Skip that post.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Week 7 Weigh In
Weight: 183.2 lbs (up .2 lbs)
I contribute this to not being smart about weight loss. I know exactly what to do and I failed to do it. (1) I have a fractured toe and cannot work out to the same intensity as before. (2) I was sick, sick, sick last week and laid around a lot. (3) I knew that I needed to adjust my caloric intake if I wasn't expending as much energy, and I didn't do it.
Exercise:
Decreased because of reasons above. Worked out only two days.
Food log:
Should have tracked what I ate. Should have decreased the points I consumed (maybe not used my Weekly Points Allotment) to make up for that lack of exercise.
Emotional stuff:
A lot of stuff going on. I am an emotional eater. Nobody reading this wants to know about it. I'm seeing a professional tomorrow to talk through some stuff.
I contribute this to not being smart about weight loss. I know exactly what to do and I failed to do it. (1) I have a fractured toe and cannot work out to the same intensity as before. (2) I was sick, sick, sick last week and laid around a lot. (3) I knew that I needed to adjust my caloric intake if I wasn't expending as much energy, and I didn't do it.
Exercise:
Decreased because of reasons above. Worked out only two days.
Food log:
Should have tracked what I ate. Should have decreased the points I consumed (maybe not used my Weekly Points Allotment) to make up for that lack of exercise.
Emotional stuff:
A lot of stuff going on. I am an emotional eater. Nobody reading this wants to know about it. I'm seeing a professional tomorrow to talk through some stuff.
A letter to Our Lady of Weight Loss
I follow Our Lady of Weight Loss's blog, and I get her regular enewsletters called A Kick in the Tush. Here's an awersome excerpt from one I got this week. It really touched me...
Dear OLofWL ~ HELP!! I have no idea how to start, where to go, what
to do or which end is up. I definitely know the numbers on the scale are
up, and I definitely know the fluff is taking over my body. I also know I
have a smokin' hot body - it just happens to be covered with rolls, dimples and
squishy stuff at the moment.
Here's the thing - I'm a single mom, I
work full time, I go to school at night and I can't afford to join a gym - and
let's not even talk about how veggies are more expensive than a box of mac and
cheese. I would love to incorporate daily exercise into my life (not just for
me, but to set an example for my daugher) - but the only time I have to exercise
is when my 4 year old daughter is sleeping - and it's not like I can leave the
house for a zoom around the block and leave her alone. To add to this
recipe for flubber, I injured the same knee 4 times this past year and some
exercises would be impossible for me right now. I am completely overwhelmed by
my life and would rather pop open a container of Chunky Monkey than face my
insanity. I don't know how to start to make the lasting changes I want and
need to make in my like. I'm 5'2" and weigh 225 - gross, I know. I
hate this and am self-conscious all of the time and this is not the person I
want to be - it's not the person I know I am meant to be. I have so much
inside of me that I can't/won't bring out because of my weight and how it makes
me feel. What do I do and how do I start? Thanks so much. ~
Shelley S.Dear Shelley ~ I get it, Shelley. You are overwhelmed and have triple
portions of life on your plate. Thing is, if you want to change, to
lose weight, to move forward, you've got to start someplace. So, I am
wondering if there is one small change that you can make, just to get your
upward spiral in motion. And so I'm asking you to think hard and write out
10 really small things that you could do and pick one to start with. One
small step forward. Maybe around the Chunky Monkey? Like not keeping
it in the house? Step One: Make your home your safe haven. A
place that supports your best self. Please let me know what step you
take. ~ OLofWL
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Week 6 Weigh In
Weight: 183.0 lbs.
I met my 10% WW goal. This means I lost 20 lbs since I started back at WW in April. That was one of my Big Goals. Each time you change "decades" in WW, you have to recalculate. At 179 I will need to recalculate my WW points again.
Exercise:
M/W - went through the Advanced class at karate. Monday was hard because the black belts and one red belt are all testing for various black belt ranks, so they're all moving really fast on testing techniques. I got to work at a fast pace, which pushed me to move fast on my own testing material. I am remembering my katas (forms) much easier, and I'm starting to pick up the new one and add on new moves to it.
On Wednesday, Tommy instituted something called "death by kata." The reason for this new form of torture is during the black belt test, when a person is fatigued, they begin to forget their forms and make mistakes which start to snowball. The purpose of death by kata is to build stamina and to force the brain to remember things under extreme physical and mental stress. Here's how "death by kata" works:
Do the first kata. Follow with 15 pushups.
Do the second kata. Follow with 15 pushups and 15 jumping jacks.
Do the third kata. Follow with 15 pushups, 15 jumping jacks, and 15 squats.
Do the fourth kata. Follow with 15 squat thrusts.
Do the fifth kata. Follow with 15 squat thrusts and 15 row boats.
Do the sixth kata (I don't have a sixth yet, so I work on my fifth one, learning new pieces of it and practicing those until they look just right) Follow with 15 squat thrusts, 15 row boats, and 15 somethings-I-can't-remember
At the end of class, I
On Friday we had stick fighting and grappling classes. I went through both classes. Those were fun.
Food log:
I did great in the mornings. I did great during the day. I drank a lot of protein water after workouts because my muscles were completely burned out. I had a lot of trouble at night. The workouts were so intense that it sent me into this eating frenzy after I got home. I couldn't stop. I tried to stick with stuff like meat and cheese. I knew my muscles needed to rebuild themselves. I also worried a lot about eating so late at night. I am sure that I would have lost more weight if I hadn't eaten so late at night. Maybe I should have just eaten vegetables?
Emotional junk:
My daughter is going through something. She is angry about the muffin top she has around her middle. She doesn't like it. She has poor eating habits. We offer her healthy alternatives when she goes for food late at night. We ask her if she's really hungry. She pitched a fit this morning about how horrible the clothes were that we bought her because they all made her stomach stick out. It isn't the clothes. It is her stomach. I didn't tell her that. I don't know how to help her.
I met my 10% WW goal. This means I lost 20 lbs since I started back at WW in April. That was one of my Big Goals. Each time you change "decades" in WW, you have to recalculate. At 179 I will need to recalculate my WW points again.
Exercise:
M/W - went through the Advanced class at karate. Monday was hard because the black belts and one red belt are all testing for various black belt ranks, so they're all moving really fast on testing techniques. I got to work at a fast pace, which pushed me to move fast on my own testing material. I am remembering my katas (forms) much easier, and I'm starting to pick up the new one and add on new moves to it.
On Wednesday, Tommy instituted something called "death by kata." The reason for this new form of torture is during the black belt test, when a person is fatigued, they begin to forget their forms and make mistakes which start to snowball. The purpose of death by kata is to build stamina and to force the brain to remember things under extreme physical and mental stress. Here's how "death by kata" works:
Do the first kata. Follow with 15 pushups.
Do the second kata. Follow with 15 pushups and 15 jumping jacks.
Do the third kata. Follow with 15 pushups, 15 jumping jacks, and 15 squats.
Do the fourth kata. Follow with 15 squat thrusts.
Do the fifth kata. Follow with 15 squat thrusts and 15 row boats.
Do the sixth kata (I don't have a sixth yet, so I work on my fifth one, learning new pieces of it and practicing those until they look just right) Follow with 15 squat thrusts, 15 row boats, and 15 somethings-I-can't-remember
At the end of class, I
On Friday we had stick fighting and grappling classes. I went through both classes. Those were fun.
Food log:
I did great in the mornings. I did great during the day. I drank a lot of protein water after workouts because my muscles were completely burned out. I had a lot of trouble at night. The workouts were so intense that it sent me into this eating frenzy after I got home. I couldn't stop. I tried to stick with stuff like meat and cheese. I knew my muscles needed to rebuild themselves. I also worried a lot about eating so late at night. I am sure that I would have lost more weight if I hadn't eaten so late at night. Maybe I should have just eaten vegetables?
Emotional junk:
My daughter is going through something. She is angry about the muffin top she has around her middle. She doesn't like it. She has poor eating habits. We offer her healthy alternatives when she goes for food late at night. We ask her if she's really hungry. She pitched a fit this morning about how horrible the clothes were that we bought her because they all made her stomach stick out. It isn't the clothes. It is her stomach. I didn't tell her that. I don't know how to help her.
Gettin' shrimped...
Last night was my first time to "try out" the grappling club. I almost punked out because I didn't have the right uniform and I am completely sore from Wednesday's karate class. But, I went through with it anyway.
My hubby shamed me into it...which is exactly what I needed. Sometimes he steps into the coach role and gives me the kick in the pants I need to get off my rear and step out of my comfort zone. You see, I don't like people in my personal bubble. I get teased about that too because my friends know that about me. In fact my personal bubble is more like a personal force field. I really don't like people in my personal bubble! Grappling is all about people in your personal bubble. I mean you are up against someone, sweating all over them, rubbing up all over them. Can I just say....EWWWW! I don't care if it is a male or a female. It is still just EWWWW!
But, ladies. If and when you're ever attacked out there, there is a very high probability you will end up on the ground. Ground tactics are what you need to learn. Grappling is the single most important skill you need to learn to defend yourself. It could save your life one day. You have to learn this. Forget all that MMA, Ultimate Fighting Championship bullshit your boyfriend or husband watches on TV. That's just a sport. You need life and death self defense. You don't need a seminar. You don't need a week-long workshop. You need practice, training, and more practice with a great teacher who is into continuous professional development himself....or herself.
So, there I was on the mat. I have to put my body through a whole new set of physical demands. Like shrimping. WTF!!!?? Well, it is a way of escaping your opponent when your pinned up on the ground. You need to develop your core (hmmm, sounds a lot like this will help my other sports and like this will apply to my WholyFit yoga alternative and to my karate training). You need to develop stamina. And you need to make the shrimping skill an automatic part of your repetoire. So, we do the drill over and over across the mat. This is a great, full-body workout.
Let's see if I can post the YouTube link correctly....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lGFBmVw8KGM
My hubby shamed me into it...which is exactly what I needed. Sometimes he steps into the coach role and gives me the kick in the pants I need to get off my rear and step out of my comfort zone. You see, I don't like people in my personal bubble. I get teased about that too because my friends know that about me. In fact my personal bubble is more like a personal force field. I really don't like people in my personal bubble! Grappling is all about people in your personal bubble. I mean you are up against someone, sweating all over them, rubbing up all over them. Can I just say....EWWWW! I don't care if it is a male or a female. It is still just EWWWW!
But, ladies. If and when you're ever attacked out there, there is a very high probability you will end up on the ground. Ground tactics are what you need to learn. Grappling is the single most important skill you need to learn to defend yourself. It could save your life one day. You have to learn this. Forget all that MMA, Ultimate Fighting Championship bullshit your boyfriend or husband watches on TV. That's just a sport. You need life and death self defense. You don't need a seminar. You don't need a week-long workshop. You need practice, training, and more practice with a great teacher who is into continuous professional development himself....or herself.
So, there I was on the mat. I have to put my body through a whole new set of physical demands. Like shrimping. WTF!!!?? Well, it is a way of escaping your opponent when your pinned up on the ground. You need to develop your core (hmmm, sounds a lot like this will help my other sports and like this will apply to my WholyFit yoga alternative and to my karate training). You need to develop stamina. And you need to make the shrimping skill an automatic part of your repetoire. So, we do the drill over and over across the mat. This is a great, full-body workout.
Let's see if I can post the YouTube link correctly....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lGFBmVw8KGM
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